Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
