this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
