I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
