handjob tips. give me some.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
