I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
