At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
