Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
