today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
