do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
