It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
