No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
