In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
