It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
