I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
