i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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