So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
jump out the window naked night went bad
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