Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
