Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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