ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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