They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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