found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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