Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
