Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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