the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
