I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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