you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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