it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
