oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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