btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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