He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
