I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
