why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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