Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
