so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
