not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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