all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
