Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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