its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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