Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You are the jesus of drinking
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
