you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
