I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
