the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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