You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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