Me. At least after what I've been through.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Girls should come with a carfax report
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
