I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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