I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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