Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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