White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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