I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's like iHOP with fire
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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