awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
