you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
