I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
