He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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