You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think I sprained my soul last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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