mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
