do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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