Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
