i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My bed smells like the plague
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
