i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
