hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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