Already got asked if we're dating
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
