Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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