dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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