Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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