I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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