Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just googled if crying burns calories
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
