Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
