Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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