My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
