your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
