Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
